In the Moment

Dear Jack,

You are two months old today and my challenge these days with you is enjoying the moment, without dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future.

In the past: You have already changed so much from birth. You are bigger, more alert, stronger. You are an infant, no longer a newborn. You can hold your head up, smile and make eye contact. I mourn the loss of those newborn days, and in that loss, I cling to everything about you today and anticipate the loss of it all... of nursing you, of midnight feedings, of an hour or more of just sitting and holding you.

In the future: I'll be going back to work in exactly a month, on your three month birthday. Between now and then, you and I have to break our rhythm of nursing which we have both enjoyed so much and help you learn to take a bottle and be soothed by someone other than me.

In the present: This is where I want to be. Nursing you, cuddling with you, sleeping next to you at night, waking up to you at one in the morning and loving it. Enjoying every moment with you without obsessing over the idea that this may be the last time I have all day to nurse you, or hold you, or be with you.

So there you have it. My goal. You and me. In the moment.


Love,
Mom