Backseat Help

Dear Jack,

You may not always appreciate her, but I do want you to know that your sister tries to help you any way she can.

Love,
Mom

Dear Jack,

I want you to really look at this picture. I want you to see your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. With you, that makes four generations of Nolen men. I want you to watch these men and use their examples when deciding how to live your life. I want you to be proud to carry the Nolen name.


And when you are older and wonder where you got your distinctive ears, I don't want you blaming me one bit... the Nolen I married got his ears from his mother's side of the family.

Love,
Mom

Baptism

Dear Jack,

We had your baptism today. You won't remember it, but I hope you will grow to understand it, appreciate it, and, when the time comes, confirm it with your own profession of faith.

Love,
Mom





P.S. A whole lot of folks love you a lot and came from all sorts of far away places just to be present during this event. Even more folks love you a lot and weren't able to make it today. I am so grateful to each and every one of them... those present in person and those present in spirit.

Excited

Dear Jack,

I am excited. Excited that your Uncle James and his family will be here soon. Excited that your dad is on the way back from the airport with Grandpa and Nana Nolen. Excited that your other grandmas will both be here soon. The whole family is gathering and that is exciting.

But more exciting is the reason for the gathering: your baptism this Sunday.

I am excited that God sent His son for your salvation and for mine. I am excited that God offers you the gift of baptism and that I will be able to give you that gift tomorrow. I am excited that you are a child of God and that tomorrow, in front of all of this family, we will make that statement publicly, boldly, and quite officially.

I am excited for you.

Love,
Mom

One in the Morning

Dear Jack,

These were my thoughts at one in the morning:

God, in His infinite wisdom, made the cry of a newborn baby to be one of the most piercing, adrenaline raising, urgent sounds in the world. Only to that newborn's mother. All other newborn cries are just cries. That makes so much sense evolutionarily. It does not make sense at 1AM.

You are particularly adorable when your face is all red and scrunched up. Also, most newborns don't cry real tears. You, my boy, are advanced.

Love,
Mom

Finding the Joy

Dear Jack,

You are a pretty easy baby. You cry pretty much only when you are hungry, so as long as you can nurse on demand (which we do), you stay calm and happy most of the day. You go predictably for two to three hours in between feedings, so I can be fairly sure that having fed you, we can go out for an hour and half or so and do fun things, or just run errands. You like being in the Moby Wrap and sling that I have, so it's nice to walk around with you close, but you also like your swing, so I have the option of putting you down when I need to.

See, mostly very easy.

Of course, all bets are off in the evenings. You are a fussy, fussy guy in the evenings. From about six or seven until about eleven o'clock at night, you want to nurse pretty much the entire time. You nurse until you fall asleep and then you wake up any time I try to move you and then you scream and cry until you can nurse again (and really, that milk is not a truly never-ending supply, so for at least thirty to forty five minutes in the middle of all of this, we have to take a break and you hate taking that break and often cry until you can nurse again). Holding you, rocking you, putting you in your swing, none of these things work. So really, for about four hours every evening, I sit in a chair, holding you and nursing you.

There is a big part of me that misses the time when I could do what I wanted in the evenings. Your marathon nursing time is also the "after your sister goes to bed and grown ups can do what they want" time and since nursing is not one of your father's many talents, he's still doing whatever he wants while I am pretty much limited to sitting in a chair with you.

Sigh. Or, to put it another way, you and I are bonding each and every evening at a time when your sister is fast asleep and doesn't need my attention anyway. I hold you and look at you and smell you and just marvel at how beautiful you are. I remind myself that the days of having evenings to do what I want are just around the corner and the days of holding a newborn will come to a close so much faster than I want them to. I thank God that He gave me such a gift as you and that I am able to sit and nurse you like I wanted to. I just try to slow down and enjoy the moments.

I find the joy.

Love,
Mom

Donuts

Dear Jack,

Sometimes in life, you spend more money on a thing than you can explain.

Like, maybe knitted donuts.

I'm just saying that splurging that way is okay every now and then. Especially if it's someone else's money you are splurging with.

Thanks Grandpa and Nana Nolen.

Love,
Mom

Parenting Debate

Dear Jack,

I have recently been involved in an epic parenting debate with myself. No, it's not the breast milk vs. formula debate. Or the co-sleeping vs. your own crib debate. Or the stay in the house or take you out debate. Or the to vaccinate or not debate. I actually had already decided all of those issues. The thing I had not fully settled on was whether or not to put shoes on you as a baby.

I know, I know. It seems like that isn't really a parenting decision that is debate worthy, but I swear I have had more conversations over this topic than any of the others I mentioned. It may well be that every polite person has decided that the breast milk vs. formula thing is too hot of a topic to touch on but the shoe issue makes for interesting conversation and that's why it has come up more. Regardless of the reason, the shoe debate rages on.

I think every single mother has an opinion on this one, too. (Fathers seem more ambivalent, for some reason.) The folks I have talked to who are anti-shoe for newborns have an argument that goes something like this: Babies do not actually need shoes since they don't walk. (Makes sense.) Therefore, shoes are a waste of money. (True.) A waste of money that may well irritate the baby for no good reason. (I guess that might be true.) And being purely decorative, it seems like the mother is dressing up the baby like a doll, rather than attending to what the baby needs, which is not shoes. (This may be taking it too far, I think.) Some of my anti-shoe friends stop their argument at the money part, others of them really do take offense at the idea of using the baby like a doll to dress up. (Which, I guess if the dressing up was going as far as the crazy beauty pageant people, I would agree, but really, it's just a pair of shoes.)

The pro-shoe folks have this to say: itty-bitty baby shoes are just too darn cute. That's it. That's their whole argument.

Your sister wore shoes all the time. Her first pair were these little white shoes with pink flowers in a size one that she wore with her baptism outfit at two and half weeks. She had shoes in every size after that. One time, I even bought her a pair of fushia crocs to go with a fushia bathing suit, hat, and bathing suit cover-up when she was six months old. I loved those crocs.

Knowing that I put your sister in shoes so very young, I know it seems silly that I even had this debate, but everyone knows that boys and girls are different and sometimes parents do change how they do things when they think there might be a better way.

In the end, though, this is what it came down to for me.

Itty-bitty baby shoes are just too darn cute.

So mark it down. Your first month birthday was also the day you wore your first pair of shoes.

Love,
Mom

One Month Birthday!

Dear Jack,

Today we celebrated your one month birthday in my very favorite way: taking lots and lots of pictures of you in various outfits and poses.





I said it was my favorite way, not yours.

Love,
Mom

Only for an Hour

Dear Jack,

I just left you with the sitter for the very first time.

It was only for an hour while I took your sister to the pool.

But it still felt very funny to be leaving you so soon.

Love,
Mom

Hanging Out

Dear Jack,

I'm glad you and your sister like hanging out together.


Love,
Mom

AMA

Dear Jack,

I was on the phone with your pediatrician yesterday and during the course of the conversation, I let it slip that we had gone to the Children's Museum.

Oops.

The pediatrician was not thrilled that you were not only out of the house, but in an enclosed, crowded space filled with germy children. I do understand that. In fact, I completely see her perspective and would agree with her except for this one point:

You live in an enclosed space with a germy toddler we like to call Sydney who crowds in very close to you every chance she gets. And if I had not taken both you and your sister to the Children's Museum on Friday, then your father would have taken just your sister out to the Museum on Saturday while I dutifully stayed home with you. Then your sister would have come home with the very same germs that I would have been trying to protect you from. And you and I would have missed out on all of the fun.

So, yes, it would be best if I stayed home with you, keeping you from all of the viruses and bacteria that live in the world. But your sister lives in that very same world, going to daycare three days a week and off to the church nursery every Sunday and I'm not about to keep her from enjoying her summer or keep the two of you from bonding any way you can (even if that means letting your sister put her "so special she cannot allow it to be washed ever so who knows what germs are on it" blanket on you from time to time).

In short, even though the pediatrician (whom normally I agree with) said you shouldn't go out to all of these places, I am going to continue to take you out. I will continue to put you in your sling or wrap, or in your stroller with the sun shade covering you in the way that says, "Do not touch" to even the nicest old ladies. I will continue to do like I did just last week when a very strange lady at church asked if she could kiss the back of your head and I politely told her you were too little for that. I will continue to put a protective hand out when other children (like the very sweet, but very austisic boy we met yesterday) try to touch you. I will continue to nurse you, giving you those precious antibodies. I will do all of these things to keep you safe. But I just can't justify keeping you, me, your sister and your father from going out into the world. And if any of us are out there, we are all being exposed to those germs. So I will do my very best to minimize your contact with other folks, but I am going to continue to take you out.

Even if I have to do it AMA.*

Love,
Mom





*against medical advise

Going to Bed Sleeper

Dear Jack,

This is a Going to Bed Sleeper.


In case you wanted to know.

Love,
Mom

Tornado Warning

Dear Jack,

I just got out of the bathroom. Normally I wouldn't announce this to the world, but I was in there with you and your sister because there was a tornado warning for the area and I wanted to keep you safe.

Your father swears he doesn't think I was overreacting, and I know a lot of other folks nearby did just like I did. But I will tell you that while you and your sister and I were in the bathroom, on the phone with Mrs. Hazen (who always watches the Doppler), your father was in the sunroom (that is the room in the house with the most windows, the room that is really just an addition to the house and is probably the least structurally sound) watching TV.

I kept you safe by putting you in the safest room in the house. Your father kept you safe by watching the weather reports and looking around to see if any bad-looking storms were actually on our street. I used my best judgment to decide that the threat of bad weather was worth waking your sister up and dragging her into the bathroom with us. Your father used his best judgment to decide that the storm probably wouldn't really hit us and he would rather be watching the storm than holed up in a bathroom.

The thing I really want you to know about this whole tornado business is that your father didn't belittle me for worrying when he really wasn't and I didn't make him sit in a bathroom, hiding from a storm that he didn't think was that big of a deal. We didn't fully agree on what was the safest course for the evening, but your father trusted me enough to let me take you and your sister to the only windowless room in the house without judgement, and I trusted him enough to let him not go with us.

Your father and I don't always agree, but we try to trust each other, especially when your (and your sister's) safety is on the line. Because that's what really matters to both of us.

Love,
Mom

Volunteering

Dear Jack,

For the last two days, you and I have been up at the church for about four and half hours each day, sitting in the church nursery, watching some of my friends' kids so that my friends can help with the preschool camp the church is hosting.

Why in the world are we doing that? I guess because I heard that the church needed help and I thought that even though you and I couldn't do a whole lot of arts and crafts, or story times, or any of the other things that they needed volunteers for, we could at least keep an eye on other folks' kids so that they would be free to help.

You won't remember that at three and a half weeks you were helping me volunteer at the church, but there will be many other opportunities in the future that you will remember. My plan is that by setting this example for you, I will be helping you to see the value in giving your time to help others. So that maybe, when you are old enough, you will also want to help out where and when you can. At least that's what I hope for you.

Love,
Mom

the 70's

Dear Jack,

There was a time, not so long ago, when folks thought orange was a really hip color. Especially when paired with yellow, brown, or a nice bright green. We like to call that time the 70's.

It's funny how trends work. Ten years ago, I would have told you I hate the color orange... it was just too 70's. Now, I like it a lot. In fact, I went out of my way while pregnant to find orange clothes for you. The Moby wrap you love being in so much is orange, and I wore an orange shirt the day I brought you home from the hospital. I guess the 70's are back.

It makes sense, of course. The children of the 70's (and that includes both of your parents) are now having kids of their own and are nostalgic for the way things were when we were kids ourselves. The shirt you are wearing, for example, was one of your father's and that blanket was made by my grandmother in 1977, the year I was born, for my granddaddy.

So of course it makes both of us happy to see you in these little remnants of our own childhoods. So later, when orange is out of fashion again, just remember that it will be due for a comeback in about thirty years, right when you are maybe thinking about kids of your own, so don't jugde your parents for putting you in such a funky color. Back in the 70's, funky was cool.

Love,
Mom

A Surprise Baby Shower

Dear Jack,

Tonight, I took you with me to meet the ladies in my Bunco group. I no longer work with any of them and none of them go to our church. Only one of them even lives in Georgetown. But I keep up with them all through our monthly Bunco games. And even though for the most part I only see them once a month, they are a great group of ladies and they decided this evening to throw a baby shower for you.


They really didn't have to do that. In fact, a lot of people think you shouldn't have a baby shower for a second baby. But I could tell that they were excited to see you and wanted to celebrate your coming into the world. So they threw a party.

I hope that as you grow up, there will be many moments when someone does something for you that they didn't have to do. That people will show you extra kindness just because they want to. That someone will celebrate an event in your life just to show that it's worth celebrating.

In short, I hope you find friends like these ladies.

Love,
Mom

A Final Word on Weight Gain

Dear Jack,

We just got back from your latest weight check. We were hoping for a weight gain of around six ounces. Well, with the growth spurt that you have been working your way through in the last three days, you have gained a whopping nine ounces and a quarter of an inch in length as well.

We don't have to go back for any more weight checks.

I am proud of us both.

Love,
Mom

Getting a Little Bit Older

Dear Jack,

Your umbilical cord finally fell off last night. On the one hand, I know it stopped serving any kind of useful function over two weeks ago. On the other hand, I was very sad to see it go.

Love,
Mom

Growth Spurt?

Dear Jack,

You nursed every hour from about six last night until eleven, then you went every two hours from eleven to seven, and then nursed every hour again from seven until eleven this morning (and then you decided it was time for a nice nap and have been asleep for just over an hour).

I think you might be going through a growth spurt.

I sure hope so.

Love,
Mom

Going Out Sleepers

Dear Jack,

Your father tried to dress you for bed last night. He found a sleeper in a drawer and was all set to dress you in it.

Wait, I told him, that's a "going out sleeper," as I pulled another sleeper from the drawer, use this one instead.

Your father was incredulous at the idea of a "going out sleeper." What, he wanted to know, was a "going out sleeper"?

So I told him, this is.


It's okay if you don't get it either. That's what I'm here for.

Love,
Mom