Balancing Act

Dear Jack,

I am having a little bit of a hard time right now. You see, I love my job. Teaching Kindergarten is a lot of fun and it's rewarding and I happen to think I'm pretty good at it, and being good at a thing almost always makes it even more enjoyable.

So here we are, the end of July, and I am excited to be starting a new school year. I've been up to the room and looked over the furniture, deciding how to arrange it. I've started contemplating new centers I want to put together in the next few weeks. In short, I have begun to switch gears from being a mom to being a teacher.

That means that you also have to switch gears. You have to go from nursing to bottle feeding, from being held while you sleep to being able to sleep on your own, from being with someone who can spend an hour watching you sleep, or marveling at the cuteness of your toes to being with someone who just likes you a lot.

And I simply cannot help but feel maternal guilt for all of that. Especially since I am excited to be going back to work at the very same time that I am sorry that means you have to go to day care.

I think you are going to like day care. You'll get to be around other babies and kids and the lady I take you to is really good at her job. I've taken you to day care for a couple of half days this week and although you had some trouble taking a bottle that very first day, you did eventually eat and seemed very full and content when I picked you up.

Finally, even though you might, at some level, rather stay at home all day with me, that's not really how I work. All of the cool things I like to do with you and and your sister and all of the fun we're going to have as you get older are a function of me getting out of the house and doing something for other people's kids for part of the day. It leaves me excited for every minute I get to spend with you because I'm not with you all the time.

In short, for me, working at a job I love when I'm away from you makes me a better mother when we're together. That's really why I do it.

Love,
Mom