Where Does This Ride Go?

Dear Jack,

Today we went to Kiddie Acres. We went with a former co-worker of mine and her son Jaxon.

You and Jaxon are pretty close in age and the two of you really thought the best part of Kiddie Acres was the chance to walk around and explore together. I had never noticed, for example, that the folks at Kiddie Acres decorate their trash cans until Jaxon pointed to the "balls" on the side.

I'm not saying you and Jaxon didn't have fun on some of the rides. I think Jaxon liked the train and the Ferris wheel. You liked the carousel once we took to riding on the bench, rather than those crazy up and down horses.

The thing that confused me was that your dad took you to Kiddie Acres while I was in North Carolina and reported that you liked all of the rides you tried.

So I'm not really sure what happened today.

I mean, I could totally tell, as you cried as the ride moved away from where I was standing and calmed as you approached me, that the problem was that a ride takes you somewhere... somewhere away from your mama.

So that even when you can see your mama, it's still upsetting to be away.

What I find interesting is that you didn't have this problem before. I have seen you be a tough little boy for your dad and cry inconsolably for me. I guess leaving dad and leaving mom just don't feel the same.

And I love you for that.

It reminds me that love isn't the same for everyone. I love your sister and your dad and you in such different ways. It's not about more or less, it's just different.

And the truth is, leaving you feels different than leaving anyone else for me, too.

Love,
Mom