Mother's Guilt

Dear Jack,

I had you and your sister in the front yard yesterday. She was riding her bike in the street just in front of the house and you were crawling in the grass.

At one point, you let out a loud scream and cried in a very angry and upset way. I did think to myself that you might have been hurt -- perhaps a bee sting? But then after just a few seconds, you stopped, and so I left you crawling around while I stood by your sister.

Having two kids is like that. She was in the street, you were not. You had cried out, she was fine. But in the end, you calmed down and she was still in the street and I decided she needed me more.

It was a judgment call, and I think it was the right one given the information I had at that moment.

But it doesn't mean I didn't feel like a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mother when I saw this:

That would be your leg, absolutely covered in ant bites. Poor, poor baby Jack. I know the bites are kind of hard to see, but don't worry, because this morning, when I got you up, despite the cortisone cream, this is what I saw:

I'm afraid to take you out in public without long pants... all those people with their questions: "Who let him crawl in the yard with ants?" Or "You didn't notice the baby had ants on him?" And of course, "Why don't you treat the yard for ants?"

Sigh.

You, of course, are just fine. You haven't even cried over the bites after the initial shock of it all.

But I still feel really bad about the whole thing.

Love,
Mom