John and Mama Time

Dear John,


After seeing how hard July was for us all, I made some decisions about you and the heat.  Mostly, I swore I would never again have you out in it.  So, on the actual last day of summer (well, second to last), when Aunt Jennie Sue wanted to go to Sea World, I took you to daycare.  It was kinder to us all.

But I did have a special last day of summer outing with you at Rockin River... outside in the heat, but in the cool of the pool.

 We had a wonderful time.

Partly because it was just the two of us, and you do so much better one on one.  Partly because the water was nice and cool.

And if we are being honest, partly because I had had you at daycare for a week and was feeling quite refreshed myself!

Love,
Mom

A word about July.... now that July is over

Dear John,

I have to admit that this was a hard summer for you and me.  There is something in you, sweet boy, that must know the limits of any situation.  There is something in you that loves pushing buttons.  There is something in you that takes the little brother in the backseat of the car saying, "I'm not touching you... I'm not touching you" while pocking a finger an inch from a sister's face and brings it to a whole new level.

Your dad says you are just like your Uncle Jonathan.  So I called him and he said, "Oh, yes, that's just what really smart people do!"

???

He went on to explain the joy he gets from telling increasingly offensive jokes while on watch until he finally sees where the new guy draws the line in bawdy humor.

Charming, I am sure.

I also, if I am being really honest with myself, find it impossible not to push the limits of any boss or teacher I have ever had who didn't actually bother to be "in charge" of me.  I feel badly any time I go too far, but I do feel that if someone isn't going to draw the line in the sand themselves, then they deserve to have things pushed.

So, am I shocked that you have these personality traits?  Of course, not.  Does feeling the empathy and understanding where you are coming from make it any easier to parent you?  No.

By the end of the summer, I wondered what in the world I was going to do with you.  You were so defiant and so ugly at times.  And then I put you in daycare, with wonderful "in charge" kinds of people and you have completely changed yourself around.

It makes me understand that the problem was me in a lot of ways.  I get that.  What you really needed this summer was to have me, at the first sign of trouble with you, walk away and take you home for a nap.  But we started the summer at Disney and no one is flying a grouchy toddler anywhere.  Then everywhere we went it was me and you and your sister and I didn't want to punish her.  Or we planned playdates and I didn't want to let my friends or their kids down.  Then we were in Houston and once again, taking you home was not an option.

Next summer I will know to stand my ground better, even if it means disappointing your sister that day.  Her summer would have been more enjoyable overall if you had learned early on to not be so defiant.

And honestly, your would have, too.

So what did July look like for you?

happy at the annual Fourth of July at the park... because you had popcorn

grouchy... but pretending to be a shark, so maybe you are in character?

super sweet with Gram's new kitten

refused to join the group at the Children's Museum because you were busy with gears

happy one on one with Aunt Dani in the swings

why do you look so much happier than your cousin?  could it be because you keep taking her tricycle?

bossing Grandpa around, telling him to sit on the floor with you and be in a car

grouchy at Mama's birthday celebration... this is the picture in which my bra is not showing as you try to pull at my shirt in the picture, knowing I won't stop smiling to correct you

one on one with Nana... so happy and sweet

you just loved Space Center... astronauts are big for you right now

being allowed to blow out Aunt Suzanne's candles for her birthday cake (also avoiding a meltdown)

happy one on one with Uncle Dave, again with the swinging

and this is what the summer looked like

really, take a picture already

seriously?

and now we practice taking pictures... just John... over and over again

now Mama gets the picture she wanted... sigh

a picnic at Southwestern... mostly good times... mostly because there were snacks

swimming at Elizabeth Edmiston's... before we left abruptly when you would not stop breaking to "go in only at the steps" rule

faux wedding... also fun with lots of snacks

at the Umlauf, before the car time out you had to take when you wouldn't stop picking the plants

I am sure the patterns are clear.  You do wonderfully one on one.  You are very sensitive to your blood sugar and do best with many carbolicious snack offerings.  You cannot stand the heat and become increasingly difficult the hotter you are.
It only took the entire month of July to realize all of these things.  And in August you started your daycare and that right there provided the order and structure you were craving all summer.  So really, August brought us a whole new John.

I love you grouchy and I love you defiant.  I love you angry and I love you sulky.  I love you no matter what you do.  But because I love you so much, I want you to know that I am going to continue to teach you how inappropriate all of these behaviors are so that you don't have to spend the rest of your life being a boy that only a mother could love!


Love,
Mom

Legos

Dear John,

I love Legos.  A lot.

Possibly more than any adult woman should ever admit to in public.

But I love them.  I think it's fun to build things with them and I love to collect them.

I personally own a lot of different sets and series: castle sets, adventure sets, Old West, Harry Potter.

Recently, your dad and I put together all of those sets and have them out on display with a serious "no touching" rule for children.  It's unfair, I know.

Even more recently we got your dad's childhood Lego collection: more castle, pirates, town and space.  We are assembling those and while you and your sister get to play with each set the evening it is made (just like you did when we build mine), after that, it's off limits.

Really unfair, I know.

So Lego came out with two new sets: Lord of the Rings and Monster Hunters.  I expected to be taken with the Lord of the Rings sets, but it was the Monster Hunters that really grabbed my attention.  Lego has done a lot of sets in the past ten years that go with various other media... the Harry Potter sets (which I own and love), Star Wars (which I am, in retrospect, sorry I spent money on), Indiana Jones and some others.  As much as I love my Harry Potter sets, though, I find the others much more charming.  I own several of the "adventure" sets which were Indiana Jones before they got the licensing and I think the adventure stuff is neater than the actual Indiana Jones sets.

So the Monster Hunters appealed to me in the same way... classic and timeless and not all that "merchy."

I'm telling you all of this because I knew I was going to get these sets.  But when I saw how you loved to play with your parents' Lego collections, when I think about you, as an adult, looking back with nostalgia on your own childhood, I wanted you to have a series that you would remember as your very first introduction to the world of Lego.

So while your sister had a sleep-over with her friend Abigail, you and I played with Legos.  I built the Crazy Scientist and His Monster (9466) and you played with it.  Then we did the same with The Werewolf (9463).  The Werewolf was an early birthday present from Aunt Dani and Aunt Kathi to me.  The Crazy Scientist I bought for myself.  But unlike all of the other sets I own, these are not on a display shelf out of your reach.  They live in the playroom and while you seem to like having them assembled, you would be well within your rights to take them apart.  The joy of building them and starting a collection of them was mine; the right to play with them as you wish is yours.

The next day, we took some of your left over birthday money and got The Mummy (9462).

So far, you have remained pretty interested in the start of your Lego collection.  Your sister has her Lego Friends sets and the two play together strangely well.  I helped both of you to see that the famous Monster Fighter Ann Lee (from the Mummy) used to live in a quiet suburban neighborhood with her father Stan, her mother, Madam, and her sisters Merry and Sissa.  Ann always knew she wanted to be a Monster Fighter, but her father wanted her to stay home and be safe.  And so your sister played with the Lee's neighbors and you found the one Lego Ninjago we own (I think he was a promo) and decided that with his weapons and hockey mask, he too was a Monster Fighter and he became Ann's mentor.  Or something like that.

We'll be collecting the rest of the Monster Fighters eventually.  They are all for you.  And one day you'll look at them, and their release date, and you'll marvel that you started playing with Legos when you were only three years old.  But you'll have all of the sets and pieces to prove that they were yours.

Well, all except for the Haunted House (10228).  I have to tell you that's going to be mine.

But you can play with it sometimes.

Love,
Mom

The Eighth Generation

Dear John,

John Greenberry Nolen was born in 1794 in Maryland and died in 1869 in Indian Creek, Missouri.  He married Mary Miller on the 21st of August in 1819 in Nelson County Kentucky.  Mary died in 1867, also in Indian Creek.

John Greenberry and Mary Miller Nolen had ten children, Elizabeth, Olivia, John L. Mary, Lucinda, Nancy, Francis, Harrison, James, and William Cecil Nolen.

William Cecil Nolen, the youngest of John Greenberry's children, was born August 31, 1842 and died in 1900 in Louise, Texas.  He married Mollie Leachman on Jun 19, 1860.  Mollie died on September 25, 1892.  William Cecil and Mollie Leachman Nolen had three children, George Green, William L, and Robert Nolen.

George Green Nolen was born on October 7, 1865 in Martinsburg, Missouri and died on April 16, 1925 in San Antonio, Texas.  He married Mary Ellen Roberts in 1885 in Dallas, Texas.  She died on April 8, 1904 in Louise, Texas.  George Green then remarried on June 26, 1912, to Emma Lyle Tooke.  Emma died on March 24, 1936 in Wharton, Texas.  George Green and Mary Ellen Roberts Nolen had ten children, Oran, Ollie, Nina, George Green Jr., Warren Lancaster "Tiny", Edith, Benjamin, Willie, John "Jack", and Kathleen Nolen.  George Green and Emma Lyle Tooke Nolen had one daughter, Lillian Lois Nolen whom the others all called "little Sis" and the assorted nieces and nephews were taught to call her "Aunt Sis."

Warren Lancaster Nolen, always called "Tiny" was born on December 8, 1893 in Dallas, Texas and died on July 19, 1964 in San Antonio, Texas.  He married Eva Loudell Davidson on November 21, 1920 in Louise, Texas.  Eva died on June 18, 1977 also in Louise, Texas.  "Tiny" and Eva Davidson Nolen had seven children, George Warren, Helen Florine, Beatrice, Dorothy "Dot," Melvin, William Fred "Bill," and Donald Wayne Nolen.

Of Tiny and Eva's children, only Bill and Dot are alive today.  Bill is your great grandpa and Dot is your great-great aunt.  She is also, at this time, the family matriarch and shared some of the family history with us at the reunion.  She's the one who told me about "Aunt Sis."  I also know from talking to your great grandparents, that Aunt Florine, the eldest girl, was bossy and liked to be in charge, but she also was the one who took in her mother when she needed to and after Eva's death, Aunt Florine took care of Uncle Don, who Great Grandpa Nolen would tell you was "mongoloid" and I would explain that folks used to say that about people with Down's Syndrome.  I also know that during Hurricane Rita in 2005, when folks in El Campo and Louise were worried about the storm coming, they all went to Aunt Florine's house.  Aunt Florine and Aunt Beatrice married two brothers, the Hollan boys and many of their grandchildren and great grandchildren were at the reunion as well.

John Patrick Nolen with Dorothy Nolen Billington

William Fred Nolen, your great grandpa, was born on December 2, 1934 in Louise.  He married Doris Mae Hanson, your great-grandmother on May 30, 1954 also in Louise, Texas.  Great Grandpa and Great Grandma lived all over while Great Grandpa served in the Air Force.  When he retired, they moved to Alvin, Texas and they now live in El Campo, Texas.  They had four children, Walter Scott, Peggy Marie and then they adopted David and Regina Nolen.

John Patrick and Sydney Nolen with William Fred and Doris Hanson Nolen

Walter Scott Nolen, your grandpa, was born on December 2, 1955 in Newfoundland, Canada (see, I told you Great Grandpa and Great Grandma lived all over).  He married Kim Ann Roberts on June 21, 1979 in Alvin, Texas.  They had three sons, Jeremy, James, and Jonathan Nolen.  Notice that your grandpa and your great grandfather have the same birthdate.  That's part of what makes it so special that your dad and sister also shared a birthday.  And just as a random fact, Great Grandma Nolen and her mother also shared a birthday.  It's a Nolen thing.

Four Generations of Nolens

Your daddy, Jeremy Scott Nolen, was born on November 2, 1979 and he married me, Rebecca Cathleen Wilson, on July 19, 2003.  We have two children, you and your sister, John Patrick and Sydney Marie Nolen.

All of the Nolens worked together to put together this history for you.  They gave me a treasure in the form of a print out of all of this information and so much more.  All of the descendants of John Greenberry Nolen are listed out by generation.  Your Great Grandpa is the 5th generation from John Greenberry, your grandpa is 6th, your daddy 7th, and you are the 8th generation from John Greenberry Nolen.  And in all of the listing of the 8th generation, you are the only boy with the Nolen name.  The only one.

Several young men (and some older men) in the 7th generation... your Uncle Jonathan being one of them... have the Nolen name and the chance to pass it along.  But so far none of them have.  Looking at George Green's sons, the Benjamin Nolen line seems to have ended with a Ben Nolen in his forties who never married.  Oran's grandson Levi is thirty-two and unmarried.  George Green Jr. died in infancy.  Jack Nolen's grandson Robert Nolen Jr. is forty and as far I know has no children.  Tiny's great grandsons include your Uncle Jon and his cousin Joshua, neither of whom are married, yet.  There must be a few the compilers missed (or I missed) because I saw a Mark Nolen at the reunion who looked to be in his thirties or forties and I can't find him in the paperwork.  I think some of the lines, like those for George Green's brothers, weren't researched at all.  Regardless, it was a startling revelation to be at the Nolen family reunion and realizing I have the only Nolen great-great-great grandson.

I am working on my own genealogy in order to get into the Daughters of the American Revolution and the Daughters of the Republic of Texas.  I know their are comparable organizations for men and that you could join those one day through my line, but I think of DAR and DRT as something I am doing for your sister.  She will be able to join these two organizations, if she wants to, and be able to claim that heritage.  For her, I focus on her grandmothers and great grandmothers, looking for pictures and stories of the women who came before her, the men they married and the children they bore.  For you, I am keeping the Nolen history.  I want you to know these names and I want to have stories and pictures to go with them for you.  Your sister will always have this family and she will always have a place in with the Nolens, but she may not always be a Nolen and she won't pass the name along to her sons and daughters.

That's your job, and I guess I'm telling you that if you don't want all the pressure, you need to have a serious chat with your Uncle Jonathan before it's too late.

But mostly, I hope you love this family and love being a Nolen.  I hope you are proud to be "the last Nolen" and enjoy learning about your father's family.  I hope you look at these pictures of four generations of Nolens and want to take other pictures, sometime in the far future, where you are the grandpa with the boy on your shoulders and you can say that you continued the Nolen line.

That is my wish for you.

Love,
Mom

Grandpa and Nana and John

Dear John,

Your Grandpa and Nana have been here for the last week and you have had a wonderful time.  We have gone all sorts of wonderful places.  We started the week at the Zilker Botanical Gardens.

Then on Tuesday we went to Schlitterbahn.

On Wednesday, we walked the square in Georgetown.

And on Thursday, we went to the Waco zoo.

It's been a fun week, but I can't say that the various outings have been your favorite part.  Your favorite part has been having Grandpa and Nana's undivided attention all week long.  (Yes, yes, I know you ought to be sharing them with Sydney but since Grandpa and Nana have almost two dozen grandchildren between them, they have perfected the fine art of switch hitting and every single time you wanted your Grandpa, Nana was right there to attend to Sydney and vice versa.)

The level of joy during their visit and the sadness today as they have left to go to El Campo (where we will join them tomorrow) has been so touching.

Grandpa and Nana both have electronic devices that they let you play with.  I was appalled when I heard how much Nana's iPhone cost and that she was letting you play with it, but she swore it would be fine.  The biggest fights I have ever seen you and your sister have were over Grandpa's Kindle and Nana's iPhone.

You and Grandpa spent so much of your time on this recliner... with the Kindle Fire, watching Pirates of the Caribbean, eating popcorn, talking, playing.  The only thing you did more than this was convince your Grandpa to run around the house playing with you.  "I be Wa-bin," you would say, "And Gampa can be Batman!"  Sometimes you were "Mr. Freeze Man" and other times Grandpa was "Ming the Merciless" from The Defenders which you and your sister watch a lot.  At one point I think you were all pirates.  Honestly, I couldn't keep up.  I was surprised Grandpa could,  but I suspect it was all the sword play that led to the time in the recliner.

Your favorite Nana activity was going through her purse in search of chapstick.  Some of Nana's "chapsticks" are more transparent than others, you found.  I appreciated that Nana tried to direct you to "chapstick for boys" over the lipstick which she explained was "for girls."  I also understand that lipstick is significantly more expensive than chapstick an for that reason alone you shouldn't really play with it.  But I didn't mind the lipstick on you at all.   I remember playing with my Mema's lipstick samples... little lipsticks that seemed like they were made just for me... and I still don't like lipstick to this day.  So a preschool fascination with lipstick to me (and your dad) speaks volumes to how much you like to emulate your Nana and the joy of exploring textures.

We will see Nana and Grandpa again tomorrow at the Nolen Family Reunion, but then we may not see them again for up to a year (more or less depending on Grandpa's work and the possibility of a second home in Georgetown).  You have walked around today saying, in the way we have taught you to express your feelings in words, not hysterics, "It makes me sad," and the then dramatic pause you have learned all on your own, "It makes me sad that Gampa and Nana are gone."

Poor sweet boy.  It's hard when the people you love live far away.  We'll do our best to enjoy every minute of the reunion and then trust that time will fly by until their next visit.

Love,
Mom

Cooking with Gram

Dear John,

How much do you love your Gram?

I'm glad you got some bonus time with Gram during her overnight trip.  I know you and your sister loved making chex mix with her.

And how much of a ham are you, hugging pretzels for a picture?

Love,
Mom

Reflections on Taking a Toddler to Disney

Dear John,

Three years old is a terrible time to go on a Disney vacation.  It's okay.  Your dad and I knew this trip would not be easy for you... the newness of everything, the lack of routine, the strangers in strange costumes, the intense sensory overload.  We knew you would not get the full enjoyment and we knew that we would have to be extra patient with you.  We also planned to only do two parks and to revisit them both in the hopes that even if the first day at each park was hard, the second should go better.

Your dad was trying to get you to smile here.  It was the first official Disney picture and I felt that the pained look on your face was somehow appropriate for this trip and told your dad to let it go.

We went at this time because it was the right time for your sister.  She is at the downward slope of her Disney princess stage and we wanted to capture the magic of it for her before that ship sailed.  We also knew that a later trip, when you are five or six, would be more fun for everyone if we had already had one Disney experience to reflect back on.  If we had only planned one Disney vacation for our family, we would never have taken it while you were so little, but since this was the first, not the only, we felt like it would work.

The first day was the hardest for you.  A Disney vacation is really just one transition after another... house to plane, plane to plane, plane to bus, bus to hotel, hotel to bus, bus to Magic Kingdom, ride to ride, ride to show, show to ride... it never ends and transitions are so hard for you right now.  At each stage, you were happy in what we were doing.  You even liked the plane and bus rides.  But just as you got accustomed to a thing, we changed things on you.  We finally had to decide as a family that there was nothing we could do to make it better for you, short of picking something like Tom Sawyer Island that we could stay at all day.  So we let you work through all of those transitions on your own.  It was hard. 

I swear you were working so hard to make sense out of things that you kept asking to look at maps.  Like somehow that would totally help things.

End of Day One.  I credit you, boy, for my five pound Disney weight loss.  Carrying your sleeping body burns a lot of calories.

On Day Two we just got you a stroller and let you sit and mope.  Really.  The only thing that perked you up during the morning and afternoon of Day Two was sugar.  We would feed you gummi bears, chocolate mousse, popcorn, etc. and you would be happy for up to thirty minutes and then the sugar crash would come and we would have to find a new source of energy.  You also lost some weight at Disney.  You just couldn't eat enough to keep up with the calorie burn.

Proof that not all of the first part of Day Two was miserable for you.  There were these moments, like the drums in the strange "not on the map" African village that you loved.  It was just that we would never stay in these spots long enough for you and to be clear, you have just eaten a bowl of soft-serve ice cream, too.

But at the end of Day Two, something shifted for you.  I know a big part of the shift was Nemo.  Mrs. Ford had told us there was a Finding Nemo ride and after a full day of walking the World Showcase at Epcot, we thought we might try doing something you would like.  Once you saw Nemo and heard you could go find him, you were off and running.  After an entire day in a stroller, in which you could not walk more than five steps without breaking down in tears or asking for more to eat or drink, you were running.  I had to break into a run myself to keep up with you.  We rode Nemo twice, saw the Crush show, and explored the aquarium at The Seas pavilion.

After Finding Nemo (and after finding the leaping fountain.  You have just been splashed by the water and are ecstatic.

Then on Day Three we went back to Epcot and finally you had a frame of reference to understand the mechanics of the day.  Finally you knew what to expect and were able to enjoy yourself.  We rode rides and saw shows and you had a great time.  Day Four was back to the Magic Kingdom and you had the most amazing time.  You knew which rides you liked and which ones you didn't and we rode all of your favorites over and over and over again in the way that three year olds like to experience their world... on repeat.

You loved, loved, loved Spaceship Earth.  You talked about it all day long and we rode it twice, just for you.

On Day 4, you were so happy.  We rode so many rides and finally you started to understand that leaving one ride just means going to another.

You really wanted to ride this "rocketship."

We rode Pirates of the Carribean so many times that I lost track.  Some piratey things should be arriving in the mail for you this coming week.

The rest of the family wanted to ride Haunted Mansion but you (reasonably) thought it was too scary.  Your daddy gave you a special ghost fighting laser, though, and you were ready to ride.  You even went an additional time or two after that.

I cannot express the lengths your dad and I went to keep calories in you.  This lollipop was 400 calories of pure sugar and you burned it all off.

You loved the Prince Charming Carousel.  You just like carousels.

We didn't meet a lot of characters at Disney.  Mostly we were unwilling to stand in line for them.  Mostly, your dad wasn't willing to stand in line for them.  But you and I stood in line for Buzz and Tigger and Pooh.  We also met several of the princesses at the breakfast, but the only one you wanted your picture with was Ariel. 

 

 

I am so glad we went to Disney.  I am glad that we took your sister when she was still little enough to be taken in by the magic and I really think both of you will remember this trip enough to be even more excited when we go back in a few years.

Love,
Mom