A word about July.... now that July is over

Dear John,

I have to admit that this was a hard summer for you and me.  There is something in you, sweet boy, that must know the limits of any situation.  There is something in you that loves pushing buttons.  There is something in you that takes the little brother in the backseat of the car saying, "I'm not touching you... I'm not touching you" while pocking a finger an inch from a sister's face and brings it to a whole new level.

Your dad says you are just like your Uncle Jonathan.  So I called him and he said, "Oh, yes, that's just what really smart people do!"

???

He went on to explain the joy he gets from telling increasingly offensive jokes while on watch until he finally sees where the new guy draws the line in bawdy humor.

Charming, I am sure.

I also, if I am being really honest with myself, find it impossible not to push the limits of any boss or teacher I have ever had who didn't actually bother to be "in charge" of me.  I feel badly any time I go too far, but I do feel that if someone isn't going to draw the line in the sand themselves, then they deserve to have things pushed.

So, am I shocked that you have these personality traits?  Of course, not.  Does feeling the empathy and understanding where you are coming from make it any easier to parent you?  No.

By the end of the summer, I wondered what in the world I was going to do with you.  You were so defiant and so ugly at times.  And then I put you in daycare, with wonderful "in charge" kinds of people and you have completely changed yourself around.

It makes me understand that the problem was me in a lot of ways.  I get that.  What you really needed this summer was to have me, at the first sign of trouble with you, walk away and take you home for a nap.  But we started the summer at Disney and no one is flying a grouchy toddler anywhere.  Then everywhere we went it was me and you and your sister and I didn't want to punish her.  Or we planned playdates and I didn't want to let my friends or their kids down.  Then we were in Houston and once again, taking you home was not an option.

Next summer I will know to stand my ground better, even if it means disappointing your sister that day.  Her summer would have been more enjoyable overall if you had learned early on to not be so defiant.

And honestly, your would have, too.

So what did July look like for you?

happy at the annual Fourth of July at the park... because you had popcorn

grouchy... but pretending to be a shark, so maybe you are in character?

super sweet with Gram's new kitten

refused to join the group at the Children's Museum because you were busy with gears

happy one on one with Aunt Dani in the swings

why do you look so much happier than your cousin?  could it be because you keep taking her tricycle?

bossing Grandpa around, telling him to sit on the floor with you and be in a car

grouchy at Mama's birthday celebration... this is the picture in which my bra is not showing as you try to pull at my shirt in the picture, knowing I won't stop smiling to correct you

one on one with Nana... so happy and sweet

you just loved Space Center... astronauts are big for you right now

being allowed to blow out Aunt Suzanne's candles for her birthday cake (also avoiding a meltdown)

happy one on one with Uncle Dave, again with the swinging

and this is what the summer looked like

really, take a picture already

seriously?

and now we practice taking pictures... just John... over and over again

now Mama gets the picture she wanted... sigh

a picnic at Southwestern... mostly good times... mostly because there were snacks

swimming at Elizabeth Edmiston's... before we left abruptly when you would not stop breaking to "go in only at the steps" rule

faux wedding... also fun with lots of snacks

at the Umlauf, before the car time out you had to take when you wouldn't stop picking the plants

I am sure the patterns are clear.  You do wonderfully one on one.  You are very sensitive to your blood sugar and do best with many carbolicious snack offerings.  You cannot stand the heat and become increasingly difficult the hotter you are.
It only took the entire month of July to realize all of these things.  And in August you started your daycare and that right there provided the order and structure you were craving all summer.  So really, August brought us a whole new John.

I love you grouchy and I love you defiant.  I love you angry and I love you sulky.  I love you no matter what you do.  But because I love you so much, I want you to know that I am going to continue to teach you how inappropriate all of these behaviors are so that you don't have to spend the rest of your life being a boy that only a mother could love!


Love,
Mom