A Judgement Call

Dear Jack,

Today I want to tell you a story that is really something that happened with your sister, but it's also a story that is more about me than anyone else, so I think sharing it with you is appropriate.

I took you and your sister with me today to the church. I had told the Music Director that I would help with Music Camp and even though I would rather have the time with you and your sister, I wanted to keep my commitment and I do see the value in the camps our church offers and wanted to support them with my time and talents.

(There are actually four camps every summer, each lasting a week, and all of them attended largely by visitors -- a great witnesses opportunity.)

You were going to be in the nursery with the Children's Ministries Director, a woman I like and admire and trust completely with your care. Your sister was supposed to do the preschool camp and I was supposed to help with the older kids.

I dropped you off and you did very well. You had been in the nursery with the same Children's Ministries Director just yesterday, so you were prepared and familiarized already.

Your sister was fine until she realized I was leaving. She absolutely did not want to stay. Even though it was her Sunday School room and one of her two favorite Sunday School teachers in the room, and several of her friends were there, she was uncomfortable.

I had no idea what the problem was, but it seemed that so much was right that whatever was wrong must have felt big to your sister. I asked her if she would rather be in the nursery with you and she said she would.

As it turns out, though, there was a rule that children old enough to be in camp could not be in the nursery. It seems like one of those rules that makes sense in the big picture -- imagine a dozen school aged children in the nursery with no one in camp -- but was troublesome on the small scale.

So I made a judgment call. I took your sister with me to take care of the older kids.

I know that seems like simple choice, but it was a big deal for me. As I said before, it was the Children's Ministries Director who was in the nursery and I like her a lot and respect her even more and she was the one telling me the rule, so I had to have a conflict with someone I like and respect -- never easy. Then, I had to answer another four or five helpful adults who tried to redirect your sister to her room, "No, she's staying with me."

Every time I said that I felt I was fighting with someone.

You see, I have a very hard time standing my ground without waging a turf war. I tend to overstate myself and get into arguments with people who aren't even looking for an explanation from me.

All day, I had to remind myself that first of all, probably no one cared that I was letting your sister be with the wrong group and secondly, anyone who did who wasn't your dad was a busybody and didn't deserve too much additional thought.

I also went over and over my own reasoning in my head. Was I doing your sister a disservice by allowing her to opt out of camp?

I finally decided it this way: Your sister didn't ask to go to Music Camp. I volunteered to help and just brought the two of you with me. She was well behaved with me, sitting off to the side fairly quietly. Her real choice was the one to skip out on camp, and I did hold her to that decision, reminding her as she asked to do things like play outside that her group was already at the playground, etc. Really, she probably would have had more fun with her peers, but maybe not.

As I drove the two of you home, I asked your sister what the problem was with the camp and she was able to explain it this way: Ms. Barbie wasn't there.

It's true. One of her two favorite Sunday School teachers was in charge of the camp, but her other favorite was not and it just made things feel wrong -- and possibly not as safe.

So what I really feel like I did today was allow your sister to say that a situation felt wrong and walk away.

And I am proud of her for being able to name that wrong feeling and of myself for listening.

Without fighting with a whole bunch of really nice people at church.

And you? I wanted you to know that if you are ever in the same situation, I would do the same for you. Only I would do it with more grace and aplomb having practiced with your sister.

Sometimes being the youngest has perks.

Love,
Mom

First Day of Daycare

Dear Jack,

You started your new daycare today. I took you in early this morning, around 7:15, just like I would on a regular school day.

You and your sister ate some breakfast. Well, she ate breakfast, you ate second breakfast.

Then you played in your new room, eating some of the toys. This week is "American Idol" week and the big kids are using the karaoke machine. You little guys got the inflatable guitar and microphone to play with.

Then you had your morning snack and went back in the room to play until lunch at eleven and then a nap.

You are asleep right now, which is why I am home writing to you because other than this time of being unconscious, you have not wanted me to leave for a minute.

I sat with you for breakfast and playtime. I left at snack, which was sort of alright, for about fifteen minutes at which point you remembered I wasn't there and started crying again. I left to go to the bathroom and you howled. I left to see your sister eat her lunch and you screamed.

It has not been an easy day, but I know you will learn to like your new place. I knew it as I watched your teacher, Ms. Rosemary sitting on the floor next to your nap mat, patting your back at the exact rhythm and force that soothes you best.

I'm headed back out now, to return in time for you to wake up from your nap and then we'll spend the rest of the day at day care together. We'll probably do it this way again next Thursday.

Your dad thought it was great for me that you were going to day care today. He asked me what I was going to do with my day off.

Spend it with you seems to be the answer.

And that's just fine.

Love,
Mom

Hometown

Dear Jack,

When I think about my hometown, I think of a red barn. It wasn't actually a farmhouse or a stable, but a bar that was shaped like a barn.

I never actually went in to this place, mind you, but it was the landmark building at the corner of Spencer and 8th that told me we were turning in to my neighborhood. It is also the representation of what happens when you live in the city neighboring a major "dry" city. For years, the neighboring suburb was alcohol free, so my hometown was where all the bars were. I'm pretty sure that barn/bar was at the city limit.

My hometown also had some pawn shops, used car dealerships, kiosks in parking lots that made keys and a novelty shop that occasionally got shut down for selling something other than the oddly shaped pipes in the glass case.

None of this ever bothered me as a kid. Who thinks about those things when you're a kid? It also didn't really affect me in the sense that just about everything we did, from shopping to church, we did in another section of town. But it does make me wonder what it's like to grow up in a town you can be proud of.

I'm hoping that your dad and I are giving that to you. I love living here in Georgetown. It's beautiful here on the edge of the hill country. It's also quiet and quaint and big enough to have all of the major amenities and close enough to the weirdness of Austin to have culture and counter-culture.

So today we went out to see some of this town we live in. We started at Blue Hole, a dammed up section of the San Gabriel River. Then we went to Monument Cafe for breakfast and then on to the downtown square.

You loved the river. You sat yourself down on those rocks, proceeded to pick up every single one of them, throw them, then you moved over and picked up more rocks.

By the end of our time at Blue Hole, you were pretty tired. But you pushed on through breakfast and into the bookstore and the candy store on the square. By the time we got to the Williamson County Museum, you were absolutely, positively, exhausted.

Somehow, you asleep never stops being adorable to me.

I think you had a pretty good day. My goal is to give you and your sister the opportunities to enjoy this beautiful town at every age.

Love,
Mom

Museum Day

Dear Jack,

Today we went downtown to the Art Museum and then to the Children's Museum. That's right, two museums in one day!

We were joined by my friends Carol and Elissa and Elissa's son, Ben who is about six months younger than you.

I do have to say that the artwork was completely unimpressive for you and Ben. Ben at least was in the stroller, but you were ready to walk around after a long car ride and I could tell that the museum employee in charge of making sure no one touched the art work was feeling the burden of her responsibility as I let you toddle around the gallery.

Fortunately, there was also the Family Lab section (which is what we were really there for, anyway) which had toys and puzzles and duplos to play with as well as some cool circles on a light board that you liked a lot. We spent a good hour there and since the Art Museum is not the go to hang out for the five and under crowd, we were the only ones in the Family Lab for that entire time.

You are still a little stranger-shy these days, so you stuck close to me most of the day, but you did become comfortable enough around Mrs. Edwards to let her play legos with you as long as I stayed in the room. You were also very grateful for the peanut butter crackers she had stashed in her purse that she let you have when you got hungry and grouchy.

At the Children's Museum, you once again loved the balls in the baby and toddler area. You would walk around holding one ball or another, throw it, go after it, and then if some other baby got it, follow him or her around until she dropped it again.

My favorite part of the Children's Museum was seeing you and your sister playing with Mrs. Edwards. In the past year, as I have gone through some times of needing to support others, it has been Carol who has stepped up to support me, so I know how much she cares about me, but it really had not occurred to me that she might care so much for you and your sister. Yet seeing her interact with the two of you today, it was clear that she likes you a lot and was thrilled to spend time with you today.

I had such a good time today. It was just one of those perfect days where I wish I could freeze time and just enjoy every minute of it over and over again.

And judging by your smiles and laughs and giggles, you felt very much the same.

Love,
Mom

Was this fun when you were a kid?

Dear Jack,

I have no idea what other people remember from their own childhoods. Your dad has an unusually limited memory of his own and I think I may have a sharper memory than most.

I wonder this because I distinctly remember doing some sort of furniture shopping with my parents and I remember that the store had all of these rooms set up and all I wanted was for my parents to leave me and my sister alone so we could play house in all of these rooms. Sadly, my parents had this shopping plan and had to drag us along to the next part of the store and never thought to bring us back to play.

Do other people not remember how fun it is to be a kid and play in furniture stores? Or is that other people never thought that was fun in the first place?

Either way, I thought it was fun and I remember, so I consider taking you and your sister to IKEA to be an outing. And the two of you did have a lot of fun. You walked around a lot and touched all of the fabrics and textiles. You enjoyed sitting on the beds and chairs.

While you were sitting on this bed, I realized how appealing the colors were and since the twin bed in your room is still made up with the bedding I chose for your sister, I decided to buy this duvet cover for you.

In the kids' IKEA section, the rainbow doorway leads to Swedish lands of toys and brilliant colors.

OOOOOOOH!
I was so glad to get a picture of you making the "ooooooh" face because it is your new happy face. Most people associate a smile with happiness, so I want all of your friends and family to know that for right now, this is the face to look for. This is the face that says, "I like what I see."

You made it a lot at IKEA, so I know you approve of today's outing.

And that's all that really matters to me.

Love,
Mom

Fathers, Mothers, and Forefathers

Dear Jack,

Your dad and I are doing everything we can to raise you right. We try to make the best choices for you and set good examples as much as we can. But having us as your parents isn't going to be the biggest factor in whether or not you have a happy, fulfilled life as an adult.

We will be sending you to the best school around. We will support your teachers and push you to excel in school as much as you can. But your education will not be the number one factor in what you achieve either.

It also won't be your looks, or the clothes you wear.

It won't be your friends or your extended family.

The thing that has the biggest impact on whether you are able to make and reach your goals is the country you were born in.

Being born in America in the 21st century affords you luxuries that people around the globe can't even imagine.

And I think that's exactly what our forefathers were hoping for some two hundred thirty years ago when they founded these United States.

God Bless America.

Love,
Mom

Little People Day

Dear Jack,

Today was Little People Day.

Last year, you spent Little People Day in my arms, nursing and sleeping. This year, you actually got to play, which was a lot of fun for you.

The fun for me of Little People Day is making videos of you and your sister as you play.

This year, the farm was your favorite and you chattered with it quite a bit. But just as you went from mostly inert to walking around with toys in your hand, purposefully opening doors and pushing buttons in a single year, I imagine that from this year to next, your play with be dramatically different.

I can't wait.

Love,
Mom