It Isn't You

Dear Jack,

This isn't you asleep on my chest.

I know. It looks like you. Aside from the pink pacifier and all. She's even wearing your favorite babyhood color: orange.

Awake, the two of you really don't look much alike. Her mouth and eyes, and even the shape of her face is so different than yours. But asleep, with the eyes closed and the pacifier in the mouth, you notice the shape of the brow and the nose, and those features are so like yours. The back of her head is also like yours... and currently has the same little bald spot on the crown where you did at this age.

It was so nice to hold her like this, like I used to hold you. Awake, she wanted her mama, but asleep, any warm soft space would do and so I would hold her asleep as much as I could.

Being around Jamie made me miss your baby time. Do you remember how we used to sit in that green chair and sleep during the day? Do you remember me wearing you in that orange Moby Wrap? Do you remember memorizing my face as I memorized yours?

I remember it all. And I miss it.

And I'm so grateful to your little cousin, letting me hold her so that I could enjoy those moments once more, this time with her.

Love,
Mom