My Son John: Do Unto Others

Dear Sydney and Jack,

I don't normally write letters to you both, but this is a special case.

I have spent a lot of time thinking of how to teach the two of you the value of love and friendship and family. I truly believe that family is what you make of it and that people don't have to be blood relations to be a family. I also know that my "family" looks nothing now like I thought it would ten years ago.

People I thought I would be friends with forever are gone from my life completely. People I thought I could count on have let me down and people I never knew cared have lifted me up. People I thought I could never forgive are so dear to me now that I am ashamed that the forgiveness took so long in coming.

I say this because I have realized that the lesson isn't that you do for the people you think are family or that you do for your closest friends, the ones who will be there for you always, but that you do what you can for whom you can when you can.

You do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

So when I heard this past Friday that my friend Mrs. Hazen had suffered a second trimester miscarriage, that she had lost her baby, I cried and cried and felt so very sad and then I gathered myself together and asked, "What would I want someone to do for me?"

So, knowing that she had planned on doing her son, Peter's third birthday party the next day, I called her back and I asked her if she would let me do the party for her. She said she would love that and then she made a list of the things she wanted for her son.

Sydney, you and your dad made the green cupcakes (since Peter loves the color green).

Your dad made the cookie cake, which was a special request of Mrs. Hazen's and he also went to the store and picked up some fresh fruit because Mrs. Hazen has this wacky idea that every kids' birthday party should include fresh fruit and when you are trying to help someone, one of the kindest things you can do is indulge their wacky notions.

I picked up balloons and streamers (green, of course) and other party goods and three pints of chocolate ice cream and went over to Mrs. Hazen's house to eat ice cream and decorate the house for the party. I also told her that if she should have to go to the hospital before her mom arrived in town, I would help with her kids.

As it turned out, that is what was needed and I took you two and the two Hazen kids to the air show with your dad and the Hazen's Cousin Clint.

All four of you played at our house during the day and (blessedly) all four of you took a nice nap. It was hard, so very hard, to be having this happy playful day with you kids knowing that my friend was in so much pain, physically and emotionally, but I look at this picture, of the Hazen kids, oblivious to the distress their mother was in and I am so glad to have done that for them and grateful for your help in distracting them.

We went over to the Hazen's house around four and had the party. Mrs. Hazen made it home from the hospital just as the party was starting, but needed some time alone, so we held the party without her. I think that was the hardest part for me... wanting to be upstairs comforting my friend and knowing that the best thing I could do for her was being outside, in the yard, taking pictures of her son's party, helping the party to move along and keeping him from ever knowing that his happy day was marred in any way.

Why am I telling you this? Because we have choices in life. We can chose to think only of ourselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself. But I don't think that's the way God meant us to live. We can also chose to rescue every stray and wear ourselves out trying to save a world that cannot be saved by any man (or woman).

I am trying to model for you that middle road. The one where you help those who need it, but set limits for yourself. There was a part of me that wanted to go out and rent a petting zoo to make this the best party ever for Peter, but I held back and bought him what his mother would have, if she had been herself. I asked you dad for help for my friend in making the cake and doing the shopping, and later in various ways on the day of the party, but I have left him to go out with his friend and play his XBox today, so he can recharge. While I was helping with Peter's party, another friend called me to ask for my help in securing a sub for her because her father had passed away. I told her I would take care of it, but what I really did was call a mutual third friend and delegated. I had already committed to the Hazens and could only handle so many emergencies in one weekend.

I was proud to be able to set that example for you this weekend. I was also a little embarrassed because so many of Mrs. Hazen's family members were so free with their praises and wanted to thank me and you could see a little wonder in their faces that your dad and I had taken care of so much.

Why would we do so much for the Hazens? Because if this were either of the two of you, and this was your birthday and I had to be in the hospital, I would want you to be able to have the day you wanted even if I couldn't.