Sydney's Half Birthday

Dear John,

We celebrated your sister's half birthday on Saturday and while most of what we did was about her, you enjoyed a lot of it yourself.

 You enjoyed going to the Nature Center.

 You enjoyed digging in the sand for dinosaur bones.  I enjoyed that I could sit on the sand and dig with you.

Your sister enjoyed making you say the password to leave Prince John's backyard.  You enjoyed being able to play this game with your sister.  Nevermind that this clearly should be your backyard.

You and I enjoyed the golf ball exhibit on motion at the Children's Museum.

We all enjoyed the four different sized chairs at the new measurement exhibit.

 But mostly you enjoyed pouring lentils into different containers.

 I mean you really, really enjoyed it.

 I enjoyed getting a new "one shoe off and one shoe on" picture.

 Everyone enjoyed the indoor pool.

 Mostly though we enjoyed the time together, just the four of us.

 With one extra cute little hooligan wearing his uncle's hat.

Love you!

Love,
Mom

Red Poppy Festival

Dear John,

Two weekends ago, we went to the annual Red Poppy Festival.  We made it just in time for the car show, which delighted you and your dad.

I was delighted to find this hat for you and this dress for your sister, bought in different places at different times from different stores, and get them together for many adorable Red Poppy Festival pictures.  Not only that, but you wore the hat all day.  Why?  Because I told you to.  Maybe it was a misuse of my maternal authority to demand such a thing when you really didn't care for the hat, but honestly, I was just pleased to have such blessed obedience.

And really, you and your sister were ADORABLE together.

We did the usual things.  Your dad bought "carnie" food, as he likes to call it (although there were no turkey legs in sight).  We looked in all of the booths.  We did not visit the bounce houses in the kids' section, though, because the lines were so very long.  You were very disappointed by this, but obeyed when we said it was time to walk away from the bounce houses and used respectful language to say, "I'm very disappointed."  We placated you with promises of going to another bounce place at some uncertain future time.  It wasn't until bedtime that night when you were still sweetly asking, "Now we go to 'nuther bouce space?" that we understood how important those bounce houses were to you.  I was so proud of you for facing that level of disappointment with no fit, no fuss.  And that's why the next day we did come back so you could bounce....

 ...and ride the train, and play the football game that the big kids were enjoying so much.

I love being able to reward your self control.

The other thing I loved about the day was sharing it with the Fords.

They arrived about half-way through our time on the square and you could not decide whom you were happier to see, Mrs. Ford, Mr. Ford, Sabrina or the puppies.

You were most possessive of Lincoln, though,  You helped Mr. Ford to walk him and when the literally dozens of different people walked over at various points to comment on what a beautiful animal he is, you would run over and give him a possessive pat as these strangers were petting "your" dog.

I loved seeing you with Sabrina.  She is getting so big and the older she gets, the neater she fits in with you and your sister.  The spacing from you to Sabrina is about the same as the spacing from your sister to you, and you are just as sweet with her and your sister is with you.

It was a wonderful visit to the Red Poppy Festival.  The weather was gorgeous.  The company was ideal.  The atmosphere Rockwellian as always.  And you, little boy, were obedient (although I am noticing that you are being a pill in both of these pictures... I guess we'll settle for obedience at just about three and work on cheerful obedience in the coming year).

Oh, and I was wearing the Russian Nesting doll necklace(s) that Danielle gave me.  Perfect day.

Absolutely perfect.

Love,

Mom

The Taming of John Patrick Nolen

Dear John,

We have been at a cross roads here lately.  For the past two or three months, your father and I have been saying that we, you, all of us, have to get your fits under control.  We have been raising the standards and you have fought back every step of the way.  We tried spanking.  We tried shocking punishments like leaving toys in parking lots.  We tried everything but pure old fashioned consistency with some very real and repeatable consequences.


So, two weeks ago, I drew a line in the sand.  I focused on you all weekend and during the week I canceled all of my 4-7:30 commitments and picked you up early from daycare so I could really focus on you.

I kept you by my side and I gave you many, many, many opportunities to obey.  I directed you to help me clean up the garage.  I directed you to clean the playroom.  I directed you to clean up your room.

And every single time you showed even a small bit of defiance, I sent you to time out.  If you didn't go to time out, or if you didn't sit on your hands, or if you moved your feet, or if you cried out, I picked you up and held you in time out.  I did that until you were quiet and not fighting me for a full two minutes.

Then I sent you back to time out on the stool.  And if you didn't take that time out, I held you again.  Then I sent you back to time out on the stool.

And when you finally took your time out on the stool, I would let you up and have you go back to picking up whatever I told you to pick up in the first place.

It was exhausting.

There were many, many, many times I questioned my method.  There were times when I had to work so very hard to stay so very calm.  And there were times I was looking at you in time out I had to really think about what in the world you had done in the first place, some thirty minutes ago, that you needed a time out in the first place.

During this same time, I took you out in public.  I took you to Target and made you hold my hand.  When you whined about it, I told you to take a time out.  When you pushed the clothing rack, I picked you up and carrying you, kicking and screaming, out to the car for a time out.

I did the same thing at church... twice.  As you have screamed, "Get your hands off of me!" I have ignored, I have calmly repeated "time out, two minutes" and I have told you oh so matter-of-factly as you have appealed to random strangers, usually couples in their fifties for some reason, "They have been through this with their own little boy.  They are not sympathetic, son."

I think we have been through this process some twenty or thirty times.

On the sixth day, you didn't need a time out at all.  On the seventh day, when you did need one, you took it.  Yesterday, a full week after we started, you refused to time out while we were at a church gathering.  I showed you that I would hold you, on a ranch, with your church friends watching.  You took the time out after that.

I am sure I could have reached the same results with spanking.  I have tried that.  Your willingness to cut off your nose to spite your face, a tendency you get from your mama, is such that you will show defiance just as a matter of stubbornness, even when you know it will end badly for you.  I was willing to hold you in my lap a dozen or more times a day.  I was not willing to spank you more than two or three.

I think you learned that early on and that's why you needed a different consequence.

Lately, you have been so much more obedient.  You throw very, very few fits.  You say "yes ma'am" almost all the time, even to your dad, which we'll work on later.

When we left the Red Poppy Festival yesterday without going to the bounce houses you hung your head and you said, "aw! I am disappointed" as you walked away holding my hand.

I call that a success.

I am so glad to have found a process that taught you obedience without harming your little body or your relationship with me.

I'm glad I was able to sit and hold you when I was not able to spank you.  I'm glad it worked and I'm glad that it worked so quickly.  And I'm glad to have a job as a Kindergarten teacher to reaffirm for me in those dark moments that I really had to get you in hand before you got much older.

I hope you do not have to go through this with your child someday.  But if you do, I hope to convince you that if you have a child as strong willed as you are, that you absolutely must do something, anything, to show your child that you love them enough to show them they are not in charge.

Love,
Mom

Theories

Dear John,

You

have recently realized that you used to be

inside your mama's tummy.

This has led you to ponder what and where you were before that.

You have decided that before you were John, before you were in mama's tummy, you were

Sydney.

Because, of course, before there was a John, there was this other baby in the family and, of course, you are the only baby your mama has, so, of course, this Sydney baby must really be you, too.

And before that?

"Mama and Daddy didn't have no John."  sad face

Sad face, indeed.

Love,
Mom

Easter Sunday

Dear John,

Every year, the holidays become more and more fun and you are able to share all of the traditions with us.

During Spring Break, I took you and your sister up to the church for our "official" Easter pictures.  You have finally internalized the idea that pictures are over so much more quickly when you cooperate.

These took less than fifteen minutes.

Although you did manage to stain both the shirt and pants in that fifteen minutes, or perhaps while in the church office, where I immediately changed you.  I don't understand it, but I'm glad I got the cure pictures because this was not the outfit you actually wore for Easter Sunday.

For your Easter basket, I knew I wanted to do a theme.  Your love of all things Ladybug Girl had me looking at other titles in the series and I found that the author had added a boy character in Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy and so I wanted to get that for you.  I also wanted to give you the tools to dress up like Bumblebee Boy and then let your sister be Ladybug Girl.

I don't mind the idea of you wanting to be Butterfly Boy, wearing effeminate fairy wings and a girl's hat, but I want to make sure that you a more masculine option available.

 

We went to the early service Easter Sunday and then out to brunch.  You and your sister got your baskets afterwards.

You immediately understood what your gift was about and embraced the idea of being Bumblebee Boy.

We read both your book and your sister's (LadyBug Girl and the Bug Squad which is also a Bumblebee Boy book).

Then I dressed you both up and took your picture outside.

I told you to look like Bumblebee Boy and you gave this great angry/serious face.  I love it!

Then our friends from church came over to do our annual egg hunt.

You may be the youngest of this group, but the gap is shrinking.  Emelia (in the heart dress) is the oldest, at seven.  You will be three next month and while Emelia turns eight in August, there is still only about five years total between the two of you.  Sean is four, Sydney and Ava are both five and Abigail is six.

All of you kids loved the egg hunt.  As in year's past, I color code the eggs.  You were orange this year.  Sean was blue for the third year in a row.  Emelia, as the oldest, had to have green, the hardest color to find.  Abigail hunted pink, Ava purple and your sister chose yellow.

You were very aware of Sean this hunt and made it your business to help him find his eggs.  Everyone helped Ava, who once again, found the idea of hunting eggs secondary to just playing in the backyard and having a good time.

After the egg hunt, you and Ava and Sean continued to play in the yard while the adults visited.  Sydney, Abigail and Emelia went inside to play with the contents of the eggs, which this year was Legos.

It was a wonderful Easter and well shared with the Edmistons, Brutons, and Lisenby families.

Happy Easter!

Love,
Mom

Red Poppy Pictures

Without Mama

Dear John,

You are a mama's boy.  I think a lot of two year old's are.  I think almost all last born two year old's are.

So when I left to go to Houston this weekend I didn't worry too much about your sister, but I did wonder how you would do without your mama.

The answer?  Just fine.

Your daddy went out of his way to make sure you and your sister had a fun, full weekend.

He took you to the annual St. John's Easter Egg hunt.  Clearly, you loved it!

Mrs. Elizabeth made sure you learned how to look at Easter in a whole new way, through some kaleidoscopes.

Your daddy took you to the outlet mall and let you ride some rides.

 Then to Goodwill, where he found you this awesome trike for you to grow into.

 On Sunday, he took you to Blue Hole.

 You and your sister loved wadding and splashing in the water.

 The wonderful weekend ended with a trip to get blizzards at Dairy Queen.

You are so lucky to have such a wonderful daddy.

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

Love,
Mom