Grandpa and Nana and John

Dear John,

Your Grandpa and Nana have been here for the last week and you have had a wonderful time.  We have gone all sorts of wonderful places.  We started the week at the Zilker Botanical Gardens.

Then on Tuesday we went to Schlitterbahn.

On Wednesday, we walked the square in Georgetown.

And on Thursday, we went to the Waco zoo.

It's been a fun week, but I can't say that the various outings have been your favorite part.  Your favorite part has been having Grandpa and Nana's undivided attention all week long.  (Yes, yes, I know you ought to be sharing them with Sydney but since Grandpa and Nana have almost two dozen grandchildren between them, they have perfected the fine art of switch hitting and every single time you wanted your Grandpa, Nana was right there to attend to Sydney and vice versa.)

The level of joy during their visit and the sadness today as they have left to go to El Campo (where we will join them tomorrow) has been so touching.

Grandpa and Nana both have electronic devices that they let you play with.  I was appalled when I heard how much Nana's iPhone cost and that she was letting you play with it, but she swore it would be fine.  The biggest fights I have ever seen you and your sister have were over Grandpa's Kindle and Nana's iPhone.

You and Grandpa spent so much of your time on this recliner... with the Kindle Fire, watching Pirates of the Caribbean, eating popcorn, talking, playing.  The only thing you did more than this was convince your Grandpa to run around the house playing with you.  "I be Wa-bin," you would say, "And Gampa can be Batman!"  Sometimes you were "Mr. Freeze Man" and other times Grandpa was "Ming the Merciless" from The Defenders which you and your sister watch a lot.  At one point I think you were all pirates.  Honestly, I couldn't keep up.  I was surprised Grandpa could,  but I suspect it was all the sword play that led to the time in the recliner.

Your favorite Nana activity was going through her purse in search of chapstick.  Some of Nana's "chapsticks" are more transparent than others, you found.  I appreciated that Nana tried to direct you to "chapstick for boys" over the lipstick which she explained was "for girls."  I also understand that lipstick is significantly more expensive than chapstick an for that reason alone you shouldn't really play with it.  But I didn't mind the lipstick on you at all.   I remember playing with my Mema's lipstick samples... little lipsticks that seemed like they were made just for me... and I still don't like lipstick to this day.  So a preschool fascination with lipstick to me (and your dad) speaks volumes to how much you like to emulate your Nana and the joy of exploring textures.

We will see Nana and Grandpa again tomorrow at the Nolen Family Reunion, but then we may not see them again for up to a year (more or less depending on Grandpa's work and the possibility of a second home in Georgetown).  You have walked around today saying, in the way we have taught you to express your feelings in words, not hysterics, "It makes me sad," and the then dramatic pause you have learned all on your own, "It makes me sad that Gampa and Nana are gone."

Poor sweet boy.  It's hard when the people you love live far away.  We'll do our best to enjoy every minute of the reunion and then trust that time will fly by until their next visit.

Love,
Mom

Cooking with Gram

Dear John,

How much do you love your Gram?

I'm glad you got some bonus time with Gram during her overnight trip.  I know you and your sister loved making chex mix with her.

And how much of a ham are you, hugging pretzels for a picture?

Love,
Mom

Reflections on Taking a Toddler to Disney

Dear John,

Three years old is a terrible time to go on a Disney vacation.  It's okay.  Your dad and I knew this trip would not be easy for you... the newness of everything, the lack of routine, the strangers in strange costumes, the intense sensory overload.  We knew you would not get the full enjoyment and we knew that we would have to be extra patient with you.  We also planned to only do two parks and to revisit them both in the hopes that even if the first day at each park was hard, the second should go better.

Your dad was trying to get you to smile here.  It was the first official Disney picture and I felt that the pained look on your face was somehow appropriate for this trip and told your dad to let it go.

We went at this time because it was the right time for your sister.  She is at the downward slope of her Disney princess stage and we wanted to capture the magic of it for her before that ship sailed.  We also knew that a later trip, when you are five or six, would be more fun for everyone if we had already had one Disney experience to reflect back on.  If we had only planned one Disney vacation for our family, we would never have taken it while you were so little, but since this was the first, not the only, we felt like it would work.

The first day was the hardest for you.  A Disney vacation is really just one transition after another... house to plane, plane to plane, plane to bus, bus to hotel, hotel to bus, bus to Magic Kingdom, ride to ride, ride to show, show to ride... it never ends and transitions are so hard for you right now.  At each stage, you were happy in what we were doing.  You even liked the plane and bus rides.  But just as you got accustomed to a thing, we changed things on you.  We finally had to decide as a family that there was nothing we could do to make it better for you, short of picking something like Tom Sawyer Island that we could stay at all day.  So we let you work through all of those transitions on your own.  It was hard. 

I swear you were working so hard to make sense out of things that you kept asking to look at maps.  Like somehow that would totally help things.

End of Day One.  I credit you, boy, for my five pound Disney weight loss.  Carrying your sleeping body burns a lot of calories.

On Day Two we just got you a stroller and let you sit and mope.  Really.  The only thing that perked you up during the morning and afternoon of Day Two was sugar.  We would feed you gummi bears, chocolate mousse, popcorn, etc. and you would be happy for up to thirty minutes and then the sugar crash would come and we would have to find a new source of energy.  You also lost some weight at Disney.  You just couldn't eat enough to keep up with the calorie burn.

Proof that not all of the first part of Day Two was miserable for you.  There were these moments, like the drums in the strange "not on the map" African village that you loved.  It was just that we would never stay in these spots long enough for you and to be clear, you have just eaten a bowl of soft-serve ice cream, too.

But at the end of Day Two, something shifted for you.  I know a big part of the shift was Nemo.  Mrs. Ford had told us there was a Finding Nemo ride and after a full day of walking the World Showcase at Epcot, we thought we might try doing something you would like.  Once you saw Nemo and heard you could go find him, you were off and running.  After an entire day in a stroller, in which you could not walk more than five steps without breaking down in tears or asking for more to eat or drink, you were running.  I had to break into a run myself to keep up with you.  We rode Nemo twice, saw the Crush show, and explored the aquarium at The Seas pavilion.

After Finding Nemo (and after finding the leaping fountain.  You have just been splashed by the water and are ecstatic.

Then on Day Three we went back to Epcot and finally you had a frame of reference to understand the mechanics of the day.  Finally you knew what to expect and were able to enjoy yourself.  We rode rides and saw shows and you had a great time.  Day Four was back to the Magic Kingdom and you had the most amazing time.  You knew which rides you liked and which ones you didn't and we rode all of your favorites over and over and over again in the way that three year olds like to experience their world... on repeat.

You loved, loved, loved Spaceship Earth.  You talked about it all day long and we rode it twice, just for you.

On Day 4, you were so happy.  We rode so many rides and finally you started to understand that leaving one ride just means going to another.

You really wanted to ride this "rocketship."

We rode Pirates of the Carribean so many times that I lost track.  Some piratey things should be arriving in the mail for you this coming week.

The rest of the family wanted to ride Haunted Mansion but you (reasonably) thought it was too scary.  Your daddy gave you a special ghost fighting laser, though, and you were ready to ride.  You even went an additional time or two after that.

I cannot express the lengths your dad and I went to keep calories in you.  This lollipop was 400 calories of pure sugar and you burned it all off.

You loved the Prince Charming Carousel.  You just like carousels.

We didn't meet a lot of characters at Disney.  Mostly we were unwilling to stand in line for them.  Mostly, your dad wasn't willing to stand in line for them.  But you and I stood in line for Buzz and Tigger and Pooh.  We also met several of the princesses at the breakfast, but the only one you wanted your picture with was Ariel. 

 

 

I am so glad we went to Disney.  I am glad that we took your sister when she was still little enough to be taken in by the magic and I really think both of you will remember this trip enough to be even more excited when we go back in a few years.

Love,
Mom

Power Bracelet

Dear John,

You have become enamored of many super heroes lately, mostly from the DC Universe... Superman, Batman, Flash, and Green Lantern.

A lot of days, Green Lantern is your favorite.  Your grandma even got you a "real" power ring for your birthday so you could stop using heart-shaped faux rhinestone rings from your sister's dress up pile.

Today, though, you decided you had a power bracelet.

What does a power bracelet look like?

It looks like this.

I know to your three-year-old self, it really was like something a super hero would wear... shiny and metal, and to your three-year-old self I would agree that it is indeed a power bracelet.

To your future self, though, I would clarify...

This bracelet reminds us of the real heroes in our lives, men like your uncle, who died in service to his country.  This is a power bracelet because we are a more powerful nation because of men and women like your uncle, because we are a more powerful family for having been through the loss of him, because we are more powerful as individuals for having known him.

This bracelet is something for a different kind of hero, for women like your Aunt Rachel and your Gram, for men like your Grandpa, your Uncle Jonathan, and your daddy.  When they wear this bracelet, they are saying that they had someone really special, a hero, and now they have to be heroes themselves, to walk on an Earth where heroes have died, to continue the act of living in the face of death.

This bracelet tells the world that you are part of a special family, a family that paid a high price for American freedom.

This is a power bracelet.

Wear it with pride.

Love,
Mom

Three Year Old Boy

Dear John,

This past Thursday was your third birthday.  We celebrated by going to the playscape, like you wanted, and then to Chick Fil a to get a milkshake, one of your favorite treats.

The Fords joined us for dinner and gave you a set of swim floaties in the shape of fish.  You liked them so much that you slept with them that night.

The big celebration, though, was Saturday.  Your Gram and your Grandma gave up from Houston for your special day.

So many of your friends came out to Kiddie Acres to celebrate with us.

It was a wonderful celebration of YOU.  And who are you?

You are John.  Just John.  Not Jack, not John Patrick.  Just John.

You are funny and charming.  In fact, I think you are learning to be funny and charming to get your way and I see you playing me and I still find myself taken in because you are so funny and so charming.  You are blessed to have a daddy who is not taken in.

You are stubborn.  You are willful.  You will cut off your nose to spite your face every single time.  You dig holes and then your dig them deeper.

You cave just often enough, though, for the people you love.  Just often enough that the act of bending your will is an act of love.  And you are loving, so loving, and sweet and kind and you melt my heart.  You melt a lot of hearts.

You experience joy in an all out free-for-all of abandonment.  You taste life.  Maybe that's why you are so picky.  Maybe it's why you always have your tongue out.

You crave sugar the way camels crave water.  You eat it up, you store it up, and then for the next five meals in which things like meat and vegetables are served, you can make it through until the next carbolicious opportunity.

You are methodical and precise and have a memory like a steel trap.  Out of sight is not out of mind and you can keep track of an impressive amount of small details, like which toys came with which accessories.

You are imaginative and creative.  You tell stories and create adventures.

You are a superhero in your own mind, even if you find the idea of having a world staring at you to be unbearable and therefore could only save a world that was willing to look the other way.

You delight in the delightful, spending up to an hour on an activity that has captured your fancy, using far more fine motor skill and patience than I would ever have imagined in a three year old boy.

You are precious and adorable and perfect to me.

You are my sweet boy.  John Patrick Nolen.  Just John.

Love,
Mom

What Makes Green?

Dear John,

Everyone has these bizarre parenting questions.  In fact, I think that every set of parents gets to discover their own personal bits of the bizarre.

One of the joys of parenting is not only finding the answers, but learning whom to ask.

Yesterday, you pooped green.  Not sick green.  Not call the hospital green.  More like comedy relief St. Patrick's Day green.

It seemed pretty clear that you had eaten something, well, green.

We had not fed you anything green.  You actually go out of your way to avoid green foods altogether.  We asked the daycare and no one remembered any green food.

So probably, we're thinking, you ate something that wasn't food, that was green.  Hmmm.  Playdough?  Paint?  Crayons?

This is where I call your Gram.  Thanks to the joy of raising your dad and uncles and her job as a nurse, she does a really fine job of answering these kinds of questions.

She asked if you had eaten anything purple.  Purple food coloring breaks down in the body as green, for some reason that I didn't understand but completely believed.

Still, I had not fed you any purple foods.

I let it go, deciding that you were acting fine and given the three green poops, clearly whatever you ate was moving right on through.

Then the daycare called.  They had just remembered that another little boy had a birthday party and his mother sent cupcakes.

They weren't green, though.

They were teal.

And purple.

So there you go. Purple turns to green in a human digestive tract.  Who knew? Well, I mean, other than your Gram.

Love,
Mom

John and Mama

Dear John,

I had so much fun with you today.  We didn't do a whole lot.  We had such a full day yesterday.  We went to church, we checked on the Kinder Garden that I started for my class and then came home for a nap.  We went out shopping and got some new things for my bike.  A sort of mundane day, I suppose.  But what joy can be found in the every day life of being your mama these days!

I find myself rejuvenated by so many things... a situation at work that bothered me at the time, but has proven to lower my stress over all, a new connection with some of my students which makes me all the more grateful for my life as a teacher and a mother, conversations with mamas of boys in their senior year who assure me that the problems of today are nothing compared to prom and graduation and quietly, strangely, an octogenarian at the rec center who saw you and your sister and told me in a gravely voice, "You are in the best years of your life and you don't even know it.  Cherish these days."

What wonderful advice!

So I took you with me to the Kinder Garden and we even planted some new plants to keep the plot looking pretty while we wait to see if any of the kids' lettuce sprouts.

You so love being outside, with your hands in the dirt.  We will have to read The Secret Garden together someday.

And my latest joy.  Not only being able to ride a bicycle again, but being able to take my boy with me.  It brings me to Rerun Van Pelt and his days in the 70's, on the back of his mother's bike in the Peanuts cartoon strip by Charles Schultz.

You were equally terrified by the leaning of the bike and the speeds we reached in the cul de sac.  I have you agreeing to go again tomorrow only because I promised we would ride to Sonic to get ice cream.  Every mother is nostalgic for the era of her own childhood.  Mine was the 70's and 80's and so the baby on the back of the bike brings me such joy.

I shall try not to hit any parked cars.

Love,
Mom