Novemeber 22, 2011

Dear John Patrick,

I wonder what you made of November 22nd.  What went through your mind that day?

We went to a place, a field with stones and your entire family stood in near silence.

The focus was on this stone in particular.  It was decorated and I know it drew your eye.  There were toys, guns, flowers and flags.  There was even a couple of Reeses' peanut butter cups that everyone told you were for Uncle James.   I told you he would share.

There were balloons which you always love to play with and yet the adults were keeping most of them to themselves.

We did give you and your sister one each.

And then we all stood around holding our balloons.

And then, after a prayer, we all let them go, for reasons I'm sure you didn't understand.

The mood lightened a bit as we then went out to eat.  It was Mexican food, which didn't mean much of anything to you other than that you aren't a big fan.  I don't think anyone bothered to explain to you that your Uncle James loved Mexican food.

From there, everyone seemed more or less normal as we all went out to a military surplus store.  I'm sure you were perplexed by the wares, but it was such an exciting place, and you were allowed to try on things like hats, and watched your big cousin try on a silly mask and I know you finally felt like it was play time.

From the store of things that included many, many new things you could touch and play with and many, many more that you were sharply told to leave alone, we went to a big, big, big, building that included a carousel (your third this trip) and an indoor playspace.

 

 

What did any of those activities have to do with the rest of the day?  Nothing at all.  I don't know that I even stopped to explain to you that we were just filling the time while your dad and uncle picked your Grandpa and Nana up from the airport.

I suppose you figured it out when they arrived at the mall to meet us and then we all went to dinner.

When I look back on it, I realize what a strange, strange day it was for you.  Such extreme emotions, from the somberness of the graveside to the whimsicality of the carousel.  So many different people to be around and so many changes of scenery.

No wonder you had such a range of emotions yourself, outbursts and upsets, giggles and just silliness.

Next year, I promise to do a better job of talking you through what we are doing at each step so that it isn't just a random flow from one unexpected event to another.  November 22nd is a hard enough day for the adults in your life; the least I can do is help it make a little easier on you.

Love,
Mom